In the face of the US federal government shutdown, American Congressional representatives arrived in India today to learn from our country’s mature model of parliamentary disruptions that obviates the needs for disruptions at lower levels. The US senators, both Republican and Democrat, were given a crash course on parliamentary decorum by our very own netas.
The Americans were amazed at the assorted circus antics used by our legislators to signal their disapproval. First, there was the dignified practice of microphone throwing which while seemingly harmful, is actually all around wholesome entertainment for the public at large. The public has a healthy appetite for microphone based neta-on-neta violence often sending the TRPs of Lok Sabha channel sky rocketing. The mutual microphone throwing is a celebration of bi-partisan bonhomie.
The Indian neta’s penchant for throwing things is not limited to microphones. At the slightest provocation, the neta will elegantly fling the nearest object in sight with the skill of a discus thrower. The vast arsenal of projectile weaponry used in India’s legislative bodies includes paper balls (UP assembly), chairs (Odisha assembly), flower pots (Bihar assembly), table top fans (J&K assembly), shawls (Lok Sabha) and resignation letters (Lok Sabha). The senators made note of the practiced poise, which the Indian netas display while throwing tables into the well of the house. They conceded that tabling exclusive parliamentary sessions for such furniture logjams was a much better alternative compared to the logjam over anarchy inducing bills.
The senators were then taught the nuances of calculated theatrics with an unseemly demonstration, which involved dumping tons of money on the parliamentary tables. Many senators showed a deep appreciation of the aesthetics of such parliamentary histrionics. Other forms of innovative protest include calmly tearing apart bills that one disagrees with and pretending that the minister in question does not have another copy. Then there was the quaint and downright charming way of running to the well of the house. Some netas scurried while other strutted their stuff for the cameras as they eagerly made way to the well of the house.
Lastly, the Americans took lessons from the ritual sloganeering including ones that likened the PM to a petty felon. Fed on rich diet of reality TV, the use of unparliamentary language was savoured by the Americans and the public at large. A healthy spirit of bi-partisanship was on display with mutual name-calling. Overall, the Americans concluded that it is better to call the PM a thief rather than rob government employees of their paychecks
Overall, there was a deep appreciation for the maturity of the antics of Indian parliamentarians. The Americans understood that they had a lot to learn from the present day desi Jeffersons and Washingtons. They aspired to the democratic ideal of parliamentary circus tricks that did not hold the nation hostage by threatening to shutdown government as a whole.
